Here’s a thought.
I wrote about my heart. my hurt. my burn. my questions my confusion.
I wrote about it.
And you know what it was met with?
Oh it was met with such magnificent beauty.
I stop to think about this.
Though my heart is plush and bruised there is a laughther inside.
And you know, I know how to make that fire grow.
With my words I catch a spark, I blow on the embers of sparkling laughter. And it grows, it grows.
I know all is not right now. Right now is not all. And all is right now.
I can feel this way now, this too shall pass. Last. Past. My tongue got typed in that.
Though there seems to be a whole in the universe of my world, a tornado sweeping it all in.
I see you all around me. I know you are all in my universe. You’re in my sky.
SO many magnificent hearts.
SO many magnificent lives.
Brothers and Sisters.
Who care for my soul.
Oh What amazing nectar to me. That you are the magnificent family I behold. That you are my co creators. That you are my inspiration and I am yours.
That I am inspiring as I speak, as I bleed and struggle to breath.
I wondered at these moments. Where you feel so much and it jump starts another’s hearts. When you are an open flood to the raw reality of living. Of struggling to breath. And still. still. Worry not. I know I know I know. I am moving forward. This too shall pass.
And this too, is learning. Growing. Breaking from another shell. Breaking from another fear. From the fear of not loving, of not living, of not serving, of not shining. From the fear of not moving, not flying, not not not not not.
I have so many questions. They are leading me forward. The things I miss ardently The ones I’ve loved in the dark. The ones I have walked away from. The ones that have walked from me. The times I have not lived. The days I have.
I want everything to be everywhere.
I want you all here with me now.
I want to do everything.
I want to know everything.
And I know. The beauty of uniqueness. Of fleeting. Of changing. Of growing. Of letting go.
When there was a time, I never could have believed loving anyone but the man I first loved. The thought was so deeply ingrained in my soul. I was so sad. Lost love made no sense in my world. No sense. I could not fathom it.
“You’re broken hearted aren’t you”. A voice in the dark this summer, at a table lit by one yellow light. Eyes staring into mine. Eyes I barely knew. I answered in the negative. But you know.
Maybe I’m always broken hearted. Because my heart is always open to breaking. Because I know the beauty of love. Because I know the pain of it. Because I don’t want anything filling those holes. Through them my soul shines. My light shines. Through them I find the way I am meant to walk, when my music guides me down the path of shining light to kiss the soul of another. Oh my loves. My brothers my sisters my healers. I love you. You make me what I am.
When I see. Where I am. Truly. What I’ve learned. To speak my heart. To shine through. To let the pain wash away. To let you kiss my pain. To trust. To know. To seek still to dance, to love. Here I reach for more. I stretch higher. More. More. More Light, More truth, more embracing, more togetherness. No walls. None in our minds, none in our hearts. Rainbow bridge. A real one.