Going back to already juiced lemons

Going with the flow.

Live and Let Go.

Those Lemons have been squeezed. You traveled this path before.

Let Go of the sea shells, wait for the star fish.

(I know, my friend told me we’re not supposed to take star fish)


Faith is strength.

Hope is strength.


Strength because Faith and Hope shine out of darkness. That means there is darkness. Hope for life, for a good path.

Sometimes I think we confuse hope with something else. Something like “my way or the high way”.
It has been difficult, it is difficult to let go.

Many see letting go as giving up. I think there are different ways to let go. Some are in the flow. Some are not. Some are your defeated way, some are your rash way, some are your truest way. Sometimes you might forget what that truest way is. Sometimes you might not yet know what the truest way is because you are growing into it.

I desire to love this world. To see it’s beauty. I’m not for traveling through. That’s not my path. My path is to stay long enough in a place to get past the initial crush, see the nitty gritty, and still fall in love.

My desire is to find, no matter where I am, peace, unity, joy and truth within and have it echoed without. Difficult to couple this with activism, but I suppose it is my own practice. Difficult to couple this with being part of community, because community is a defining, and by its very nature a denying of what is not in community.

“Go with the flow” I have been told. And I ask within myself loudly: “What if there is no flow?? Who makes the flow? Don’t we make the flow with all of our movement and we can make the current go! I don’t want to go with the flow.” And then. I let myself feel. The pain. The desire. I listen to the voices, the hurts, the pains. And I remind: ” Don’t let your present feelings tint your whole life. Go with the flow. Surrender.”

I was afraid that I’ve been so sad, and I really want something in life to bring out the good. Something to have fun, to connect, to hear music, to share love.
It’s Lucidity’s last year. And I suppose I am letting go. Because I do not need to go to a festival to find joy, to find magic, to make music.
So, I am trusting the flow.
And I am reminded to be grateful for the abundance that I have. Love, family, friends. And I realize all the fresh lemons that have not been squeezed yet. And it’s time to let go of shells and to wait for the star fish. And maybe “I’ll waste my life”(apparently my personality type is prone to it-thanks enneagram). Last year in France, I remember saying that it’s ok that others might see my life that way. I didn’t realize how difficult and draining it is.

When I’ve got the mean reds, and people post things like “You chose to be happy”. It’s really freaking hard to. It’s hard because how can you chose your happiness when you are forced all these other things? I’m grateful for the growth in recognizing with gratitude all I have to be happy for, and not needing everything. And that is not from lack of trying 🙂 I think it’s hard because we’re pressured into thinking that we are to create the world we want and we take that to an extreme. That if the world we want is not physically manifesting than we aren’t trying enough. Do we sometimes forget the other parts that make up the world?

In studying social deviance, one study was about prison mates who succeeded immensely once they were released. They were said to have an unrealistic idea of their possibility of success. Like that was necessary to be able to bypass all of the obstacles. Apparently my personality type is very imaginative and spends much time within the innermost of its mind. Cool. Sometimes isolating themselves from everyone else.. Less cool haha. Still, I am grateful for the continued inspiration. Even in the dark. Even when plans do go. I am grateful. Even if i’ll “waste my life away”




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