Authenticity, Self Narratives, Fear of Showing Your Self.

Authenticity means sharing. And understanding that no matter what you share, what you express, when you do it authentically, all of you can’t help but show up and be seen. Trusting that. That you don’t need to worry about saying the right thing, purposefully framing yourself but simply begin with that intention of authenticity and openness. 


4 am, wait no 6am // Merry Go Around

Merry go arounds aren’t bad. They are awesome, fun and magical! You, however do not experience the whole of life really if you were to sit on a merry go around your whole life. You would eventually be really thirsty and hungry and even if some really awesome person decided to be so nice and bring you food and drink, your soul would eventually get pretty dried out by simply staying in one place or just get lost and seek its own adventures.

Falling in love again

I’m falling in love again.

I’m falling in love with the fresh air breathing into my new room.

I’m falling in love with my breath.

In love with each breath, each smile, each jingle.

In love with smells, commercials, strangers embrace.

In love with my mind, refreshed.

Kissed by the Sun

When my skin is tan and my limbs are strong, when I have moved and moved through pain. Still a linger and strain,

Yet my eye glimmers, shines out light. I am alive. I am alive. I am alive. Moving, living, healing, moving, growing, grounding, living, loving, breathing, opening, seeking, praying, finding, praying.

A smile.

A gift. A hope. Perseverance. stronghold.


I will not let go.

I will not let go.

And if I do let go, and when I do let go, know, that I am held. Held in arms of love. Held in a cradle of love. Softly swinging me. I will be cared for. I am given freedom to roam, freedom to grow, freedom to make and create, collaborate and even destroy, react and pain.

Still I am loved. No matter.


The sun kissed my skin, my blood flew through my body, I stretched and jumped and folded. This ground. I am upon this ground, I am within this sea, I am through this air.


This tan skin, kissed by the sun, this brightened eye, purified by the sea, this body given to me, this soul blessed to me, this heart sanctified.


Ground me.
I walk forward. I dance along a path. Kissed by the Sun, Purified by the Sea, Gifted Everlasting Life.



Love Languages


Tears streamed down my face as I looked into his eyes and realized he was staying right here. He was there. Staying. Listening. Holding space. He had paused life and he was present here with me. I didn’t have to rush. Didn’t have to put all my feelings and thoughts through a thin funnel and respond with one sentence that might encapsulate them and be maybe understood. He was here. Somehow tears just fell. I felt cared for. I felt like light shone down on me and I was saved from the world of individualism.

I felt love.

I think I so rarely feel it, that when I do, I jump in and run with it.

There is a tea bag quote that I keep in my wallet “Live through consciousness, not through emotion”

I know right.


What is Love then? If maybe its not what we feeel.

Is True love, Conscious Love? If I am not to trust only what I feel, than when do I know?

I think it is important to know your love language. I hated taking that online quiz. I don’t know if it even accurately told me mine. I think, perhaps a more revealing and a special way to think on this is to reminisce. What are moments where you have felt loved? What are moments where you have felt SURE of love? What are moments where there would be no reason for you to feel that way and yet you did?
Love is beautiful. Something in the soul of another speaks to us. Rings the chord of our essence.

Still. Know yourself. To not only live in emotion but through consciousness. Recognize the emotions.

Someone might have spoken your love language, yet that might not mean they love you.

Know your heart. Be kind and loving. To others as well as yourself. What comes from a misperceived demonstration of love? The realization that your souls are connected or yearning to connect.

->Sad Soul.

Care for your soul. Care for you heart. Allow your mind, your heart, your soul and spirit to work together in your interactions, in your life, in your processing, in your decisions.

Know your needs, know your soft spots. Know how you speak and how you yearn to be spoken to.




Going back to already juiced lemons

Going with the flow.

Live and Let Go.

Those Lemons have been squeezed. You traveled this path before.

Let Go of the sea shells, wait for the star fish.

(I know, my friend told me we’re not supposed to take star fish)


Faith is strength.

Hope is strength.


Strength because Faith and Hope shine out of darkness. That means there is darkness. Hope for life, for a good path.

Sometimes I think we confuse hope with something else. Something like “my way or the high way”.
It has been difficult, it is difficult to let go.

Many see letting go as giving up. I think there are different ways to let go. Some are in the flow. Some are not. Some are your defeated way, some are your rash way, some are your truest way. Sometimes you might forget what that truest way is. Sometimes you might not yet know what the truest way is because you are growing into it.

I desire to love this world. To see it’s beauty. I’m not for traveling through. That’s not my path. My path is to stay long enough in a place to get past the initial crush, see the nitty gritty, and still fall in love.

My desire is to find, no matter where I am, peace, unity, joy and truth within and have it echoed without. Difficult to couple this with activism, but I suppose it is my own practice. Difficult to couple this with being part of community, because community is a defining, and by its very nature a denying of what is not in community.

“Go with the flow” I have been told. And I ask within myself loudly: “What if there is no flow?? Who makes the flow? Don’t we make the flow with all of our movement and we can make the current go! I don’t want to go with the flow.” And then. I let myself feel. The pain. The desire. I listen to the voices, the hurts, the pains. And I remind: ” Don’t let your present feelings tint your whole life. Go with the flow. Surrender.”

I was afraid that I’ve been so sad, and I really want something in life to bring out the good. Something to have fun, to connect, to hear music, to share love.
It’s Lucidity’s last year. And I suppose I am letting go. Because I do not need to go to a festival to find joy, to find magic, to make music.
So, I am trusting the flow.
And I am reminded to be grateful for the abundance that I have. Love, family, friends. And I realize all the fresh lemons that have not been squeezed yet. And it’s time to let go of shells and to wait for the star fish. And maybe “I’ll waste my life”(apparently my personality type is prone to it-thanks enneagram). Last year in France, I remember saying that it’s ok that others might see my life that way. I didn’t realize how difficult and draining it is.

When I’ve got the mean reds, and people post things like “You chose to be happy”. It’s really freaking hard to. It’s hard because how can you chose your happiness when you are forced all these other things? I’m grateful for the growth in recognizing with gratitude all I have to be happy for, and not needing everything. And that is not from lack of trying 🙂 I think it’s hard because we’re pressured into thinking that we are to create the world we want and we take that to an extreme. That if the world we want is not physically manifesting than we aren’t trying enough. Do we sometimes forget the other parts that make up the world?

In studying social deviance, one study was about prison mates who succeeded immensely once they were released. They were said to have an unrealistic idea of their possibility of success. Like that was necessary to be able to bypass all of the obstacles. Apparently my personality type is very imaginative and spends much time within the innermost of its mind. Cool. Sometimes isolating themselves from everyone else.. Less cool haha. Still, I am grateful for the continued inspiration. Even in the dark. Even when plans do go. I am grateful. Even if i’ll “waste my life away”