Django me berce doucement au couché du jour. Un contentement particulier m’enveloppe, laissant trainer mes yeux sur le petit mat amenagé d’une tasse de thé froid, d’un livre laissé retourné, la page ouverte encore avant que l’inspiration de ce moment me pousse à prendre un … Continue reading Il viendra un temps
I came to America with a strong resolve. A kind of plan, that was beautifully coming together with somewhat certainty in the months to follow yet very open ended adventuring and possibilities. I came to America with a strong resolve, dimes, pennies and quarters … Continue reading Dimes and Pennies
“Don’t be so judgmental about life” she said as she reached with her pointer finger to my nose and let it land right on its tip. I looked at it unfazed or maybe it was a stunned wondering. Like being taken out of a daze … Continue reading The gap and bridge between pain, love, fear, sacred space, intimacy and patience
You know what I just did? I just said yes to something, going out on an errand with my brother in law and then having lunch with him and my sister. I was in the middle of writing when he proposed this and I … Continue reading Undecisionning
I said I would not go digging into that dying fire now. I am woman. Wise and knowing. And yet I find myself now covered in ash and digging, digging, digging. Spirit cries out to the heaves, voice hoarse, dying, gone. Broken in heart and … Continue reading Ashes and Sand, Love and Wounds; Wounded Still I Love
I could go on about the things you say that hurt, the things they say that hurt, the things that bother me, the ways that no one gets, the pains no one understands and they don’t realize they are poking, that when I try to share that, then it perhaps turns it even further from noticing, understanding, feeling that pain I speak of. Like a glass chamber I’ve been put in that reflects false images and ones of what I wish to say and share and connect.
Stop. Stop right there.
Maybe there’s a balance. Maybe I’ll go back and forth. What I know, is that my heart cannot sustain love, appreciation, acceptance when I am in disagreement of another.
But we all have opinions right?
How do we share those opinions? How do we grow in those opinions?
My heart healed when I quit rejecting. When I no longer looked for all that I disagreed with but found in things that I disagreed with, things I could learn, things I could appreciate, things I could grow from. When I found respect instead of rejection. When I saw the human standing before me. No longer seeing that human as a race, as an embodiment, simply as a human on a journey.
So how then, do I stand for what I believe? While still respecting those humans in front of me, in compassion, that I do not agree with, that perhaps do hold opinions, beliefs that not only hurt others but lead others to hurt others.
Perhaps there is a balance.
My heart, now, yearns for a true acceptance and understanding of all. No matter what they do, think, feel. How do we do that when we hold truths to be true and certain facts to be immoral, wrong, hurtful, degrading?
Grace. All I know is that need for grace. This is why, having found, having experienced that grace that does surpass all understanding, that heals and mends in unknown ways, I believe in the God I believe in. I can’t comprehend what I strive to. And I still strive to. I have not found, away from the shadows of those wings, anything that brings such healing, such mysterious answerings to my pains and questions.
I still strive. Sometimes often feels like trying to put a rectangle into a triangle whole.
Often feels like I am not doing anything I need to be and have 1000 things to do and am not moving forward. And still I do believe it is part of my contract, my purpose, to share this journey, these pains, fears, doubts, dreams, cheers.
We were on a hill. Hiding. My viking friends. Dark hooded figures in the night, we crouched close to the ground and hid in brushes. Spoken words? An understanding beneath. The shared atmosphere: the tension of a context of fear that has been conquered, an … Continue reading Last night I dreamed of a mountain of slip